Author: likawabap

23

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I woke up on a saturday morning, no work today. I grabbed my shoes, went out and ran. I ran and ran and ran. I ran until I met the sea. The sea is not that far. That’s what I always heard them say. The sea was far where I used to live. It was so far. I could have run all day, I could have run all night and run some more. I would have never met the sea. Dear Sea, I have been looking for you everywhere.

This morning, I woke up, grabbed my shoes and ran. I ran on the pavement. I jumped when I saw the traffic lights. I looked at the cars that would not stop to let me go. I stopped and I jumped. I looked at the traffic lights that would not change to the color I needed. I closed my eyes to calm down and let the anger go away. I opened my eyes to see the color I needed and I ran some more. I ran until I met the sea.

Here, the sea does not look like the sea I used to know when I was a child. The warm sea that invites you to swim, play and dream. The sea that invites you to forget about anything bad,  anything that might have hurt you. Come on and drown the pain. The sea does not look like the sea I used to know when I was a child but it sings the same song. I can’t see the mermaid but I can hear her song. This same mermaid who talked to me years ago. She told me I belonged. I was from here. Child of the sun.

Years have passed and today I am not even sure who I am. Where should I go. Where should I stay. The only thing I am sure of is that I need to be close to the sea. I need to run to her and listen to her voice. I need to listen to the sound of the sea when she is singing to me. I am looking at her and I know I will not cross the big sea today. Today I am stuck right here.

I wanted to travel, go away and leave bad memories behind. I crossed the little sea to get here. Then I ran and I sat in front of the sea to look away. It is only the beginning of the journey. I will get stronger so I can walk longer. I will get stronger and stronger so I can jump high and far. I will cross the big sea.

 

23

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Lévé sanmdi, pani travay jodi. Trapé soulyé, sòti, kouri. Mwen kouri, mwen kouri, mwen kouri. Mwen kouri jistan mwen rivé bòd lanmè. Bòd lanmè pa lwen, sé sa mwen toujou tann yo di. Bòd lanmé té lwen la mwen téka rété la. I té lwen menm. Mwen té pé kouri kouri an mwen tout la jouné, kouri tout lannuit, kouri ankò san mwen pa jen rivé kontréy. Bòd lanmè. A pa ti chèché mwen ja chèchéw.

Bo maten, mwen lévé, trapé soulyé é mwen kouri. Mwen kouri anlè trotwa. Mwen soté douvan fé wouj, mwen gadé loto ka woulé, ka anpéché mwen kontinyé. Mwen arété, mwen soté, mwen maté, mwen gadé fé wouj la ki pa té vlé chanjé koulè menm. Mwen fenmé zyé an mwen pou kalmé kò an mwen, kité kolè a chapé. Mwen ouvè zyé an mwen pou gadé fé la chanjé koulè é mwen kouri ankò. Mwen kouri jistan mwen rivé bòd lanmè.

Lanmè isi paka sanm lanmè a mwen té konèt lè mwen té piti. Lanmè cho a ki ka mandéw vin bengné, vin jouwé, vin révé. Oubliyé tousa ki mové. Oubliyé sa ki té fèw soufè. Vini néyé doulè. I paka sanm lanmè a mwen té konèt lè mwen té piti mé i ka chanté menm ti chanté la. Mwen ka tann sirèn ka chanté olwen. Sé menm sirèn la ki té fè mwen kwè an té touvé plas an mwen. Tala menm ki té di mwen mwen sé moun isi. Timoun a soley.

Lanné pasé é jodi mwen pa menm sèten ki moun an yé. Ola mwen ké alé. Koté mwen ké rété. Sèl biten mwen sèten, mwen bizwen rété koté lanmè. Kouri é alé kouté vwa ay. Kouté son a lanmè lè i ka chanté ban mwen. Lanné pasé mé mwen paka santi mwen gran. Lanmè gran é mwen piti. Mwen ka gadéy é mwen savé byen mwen péké rivé janbéy jodi. Jodi sé pri mwen pri isi-a.

Mwen té vlé vwayajé, alé lwen, lésé tout mové lidé dèyè. Mwen janbé lanmè-rivé isidan. Mwen kouri pou vini sizé douvan lanmè a é gadé olwen. Sé koumansé chimen la ka koumansé. Mwen ké pran fòs pou maché lontan. Mwen ké pran bon fòs pou soté ho é lwen. Mwen ké rivé janbé lanmè.

22

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On lanbilans ka pasé. I ka kriyé penponlèp! Penponlèp! Sa ka étoné mwen chak fwa. Mannyè la i ka soné. An péyi lasa, yo ka soné kon mizik a jé vidéo. Konsi diré sa pa réyèl, konsi diré sé on rèv. On mové rèv. Adan on ti moman, mwen kay lévé é konstaté sa té on kochma. Sé révé mwen téka révé. A pa on lanbilans mwen ka tann. A pa son a la dévèn ki ka fè mwen frisoné, ki ka fè mwen mandé ka ki pasé?

Lè mwen rivé, mwen kouri alé, mwen rantré an prémyé ajans la. Mwen maché dèyè moun la é mwen rantré an prémyé kaz la. Mwen pa menm pran tan pou gadé jan mokèt la té lèd, jan rido la té lèd, jan douch la té ka fè dézòd, jan vwazin a téka fè on ti manjé ki ka santi, lodè la an tout koulwa la. Mwen pa té vlé rété an lotèl la é mwen patéka pansé mwen té’é pé touvé myé. Mwen rantré, mwen fè wol an ka gadé é mwen di yo ban mwen sé klé la. Mwen ba yo lajan an mwen, mwen pran klé a yo. Mwen pa gadé andidan kaz la, mwen pa gadé a lantou ay.

Si mwen té pran tan gadé, mwen té’é vwè lopital la. Lopital la ki dèyè imèb la. Si mwen té pran tan pou ouvè sé rido la, mwen té’é vwèy, lopital la. I la, douvan mwen. Sé anbilans la  ka pasé tout lannuit, yo ka kriyé penponlèp! Penponlèp! Yo ka hélé an mwé. Yo ka pòté doulè. Moun ka soufè, moun ka pléré.

Lannuit la tonbè, mwen paka dòmi. Lanbilans la ka pasé é mwen ka mandé mwen ka ki ka pasé. Ki moun ki blésé, ki moun ki malad, ki moun ki mò? Es fanmi a yo ké rivé vit? Si on jou mwen kouché é mwen pa jen rilévé, es on moun ké vwè mwen pa la? Kitan yo ké vin chèché mwen? Es mwen kéni tan mò? Es mwen kéni tan vin pousyè? Penponlèp! Penponlèp! Lanbilans ka pasé èvè mizik a jé vidéo ay. Es sé on rèv oben es tou sa moun ka soufè chak jou? Es sé doulè tousèl ki ni toupatou?

21

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On gwo lendi a sètèdmaten, jouné la sòti koumansé. Yonn, dé, yonn, dé. Dwat, goch, dwat, goch. Pa réfléchi, pa kalkilé. Yenki mèt on pyé douvan lòt é kontinyé. Pa bizwen pran pon kaw, pon tren. Pa bizwen goumé èvè pon moun pou touvé on plas pou sizé an transpòw an komen la. Sé yenki pran vélo la é woulé. Pédalé tibwen pou rivé an travay a moun la. Sa kay vit, lizin a yo pa lwen. Sé yenki pédalé tibwen é désann pou koumansé jouné la. Guy ka chanté ban mwen. An ka mandé mwen si i sonjé on jou vwa ay té kéy soné an péyi a lapli a yo la pou ba on nèg lòt bò tibwen fòs pou alé an chan kann nimérik la. An pa sav si i tépé imajiné sa lè i té ka goumé ti goumé la yo ka kriyé mizik. Jodijou i dwèt byen kontan vwè i pa goumé pou ayen. Travay ay ka soné an tout kwen latè. Tout koté tini on nèg lòt bò ki bizwen sonjé péyi la, sonjé ki moun i yé, sonjé gran nèg vayan ki pasé avan, sonjé sé san a nèg solid ki ka koulé an vèn ay. Tout koté ki ni on moun ki bizwen sonjé sa, sé vwa a Guy ki pou soné é soulajé kè a maléré.

Fo pa mwen sonjé péyi la twòp. Fanmi, zanmi ki olwen, dèyè loséan. Chalé a, lanmou a ki lwen olwen. Fo pa mwen sonjé sa pas anba lapli sé travay ki ni. Soley ka séré dèyè niyaj, chalè kaché dèyè niyaj, i paka vin karésé po an mwen. É po an mwen ka mò pou on karès. Soley ki séré dèyè niyaj pa vlé touché mwen é mwen ka mò tibwen plis jodi. Mwen ké mò tibwen plis démen. Alé kriyé lé vwazinaj pou di yo sé mò mwen ka mò an péyi la!

Ki vwazinaj é sa? Mwen pa konèt pou moun isidan. Vwazen ka kaché dèyè pòt fenmé é chak moun ka séré doulè ay. Vwazen pa fanmi, kolèg pa zanmi. Lizin pa mizik. Lavi isi pa lavi. Mwen vivan mé mwen mò jodi.

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19:55

Délè mwen ka fenmé zyé an mwen pou fè somey vini pli vit. Mwen ka kouché san brenné, mwen paka fè dézòd. Mwen paka respiré two fò. Fffffffffffffffffffffiou! Souflé, fè tout mové lidé sòti an kò an mwen. Haaaaaaaaa! enspiré, fè tout pansé pozitif antré an lespri mwen. Mwen ja gadé onlo vidéo é li onlo liv anlè zafè a méditasyon é pansé pozitif a yo la. Zafè a “séw ki ka chwazi si ou kontan oben si ou maléré”. Yo tout ka di fo mwen respiré. Fo mwen souflé é chasé mové lidé, fo mwen enspiré é lésé bèl pansé positif antré an vi an mwen. Fo mwen vidé lespri an mwen é kontan santi kò an mwen ki ka viv. Tchè an mwen ki ka bat kon tibwa. Tak pitak-pitak! tak pitak-pitak! Ka fè san vwayajé an vèn an mwen. Ka voyé lavi an tout kò an mwen. Poumon an mwen ki ka fonksyoné. Chak ti mòso a kò an mwen ki pé fè mouvman la mwen mandéy fè. Kò an mwen pa mové, i an bon léta. I pé fè onlo biten. Mwen vivan. Fo mwen kontan. É di Bondyé mèsi. Mèsi pou la vi. Priyé. Fenmé zyé an mwen , priyé é lésé lespri an mwen fè silans. Lésé silans anvahi mwen pou mwen dòmi, pou kò la pran fòs pou démen.

Mwen savé byen sé sa pou mwen fè. Mwen sav sa byen é chak swè, lè lannuit ka pran tan ay pou enstalé, lè mwen las doubout douvan finèt la pou véyé lalin, chak swè mwen kay kouché gran bonè pou pran tan an mwen pou éséyé vidé lespri an mwen é médité. Médité pou kò la détann li tibwen, pou lespri la aresté touné-viré-kouri-alé-monté-désann-san-arété. Mwen ka fenmé zyé an mwen é lè mwen konprann onlo tan ja pasé, mwen ka ouvè zyé an mwen pou gadé ki lè i yé é ka an ka vwè? 19:55.

19:55 é timoun ka fè dézòd toujou, moun ka babyé toujou, lajouné po’o menn fin é mwen té ja ka mandé démen pa fè mwen soufè twòp. Démen poko rivé, i po’o lè pou mwen pè.

19

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Sé dlo. Sé dlo an péyi a moun la. Dlo lapli ki ka tonbé touléjou. Dlo larivyè ki ka débòdé. Dlo salé an zyé an mwen. Apa pléré mwen ka pléré, sé van ki ka souflé an zyé an mwen lè mwen ka woulé anlè vélo an mwen. On kaks anlè zorèy an mwen, tanbou ka soné fò, Konkèt ka chanté, van la ka souflé, sé dlo an zyé an mwen.

Jouné la fin é mwen ka rantré. Mwen ka pasé douvan imèb la é mwen paka fréné. Mwen ka kontinyé. Mwen ka fè dézotwa lantou a kartyé la ankò. Tanbou ka soné, sé dlo an zyé an mwen. Mwen pa présé. Mwen pa anvi rantré an kaz la. Pon moun paka atann mwen.  Mwen tépé touné tout lannuit, woulé koté rivyè la, touné an park la, wouvin an lari la. Guy ka chanté ban mwen. Woulé on ti moman ankò, kouté tanbou la pou oubliyé koté mwen yé. La pli la tonbé!

Fo mwen rantré pou mwen séché, pou mwen limé ti chofaj la é kouché anba kouvèti la. Ay kouché, kaché pou pon moun pa vwè mwen. Jouné la po’o fin. Lévé gran boné, rantré gran boné. Mwen pasé toutlajouné ka atann lè pou chapé. Lè pou kouri, woulé, alé. Kouté tanbou fò é pa palé. Lè a pran tan ay mé i rivé. I rivé é mwen chapé-kouri-woulé jistan mwen rantré, é aprézan?

Pon moun paka atann mwen. Tousèl an ti kaz fwèt la, Guy ja chanté tousa i té ni pou di jodila. Silans vin pran plas la. I enstalé an tout kaz la. Tini dézòd olwen, timoun ka jouwé, gran moun ka babyé, vyé moun ka sonjé on tan pli dous. Silans toupré an mwen, lavi a lantou mwen. Lè lannuit ké tonbé, mwen ké fenmé zyé an mwen é mandé soley pa présé lévé. Mwen byen an ti silans la. An mitan lannuit. An ti silans nwè la. Lalin li menm paka kléré two fò pou lésé lannuit enstalé nwasé la é mandé tout moun aresté palé. Kouché, pran somey, pran fòs pou démen. Révé.

18

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Mwen ja gadé a lantou mwen pou vwè ka ki ka pasé, pou vwè ki moun ki la. On gran sal èvè onlo moun. Yo tout ka palé, ka fè onlo dézòd an lizin a moun la mé sa paka déranjé pon moun. Sé konsa travay la yé. Fo ou palé. Fo ou palé toulajouné. O plis ou ka palé, o plis yo ka vwè sé travay ou ka travay. Ni sa ki kay pran kanpo a yo ansanm. Yo byen mérité ti kanpo la pou palé yo ja palé, pou travay yo ja travay. Yo kay pran ti kanpo a yo ansanm é yo ka palé. Yo ka blagé, yo ka ri, yo ka palé touba, yo ka ri tout fòs a yo. Yo kontan, yo ka profité. Ti kanpo la pa long mé yo kontan tout tan la i ka diré. Lè kanpo la fin, yo ka wouvin sizé é yo ka travay ankò, yo ka palé.

Mwen ja gadé a lantou mwen, pou vin ki moun ki la. Es tini on moun ki ka sanm mwen? On moun pou pawtajé doulè a, pou chanté péyi la. Pa ni moun la. Mwen ka pran kanpo an mwen tousèl. Mwen paka palé, mwen ja las palé. An ti travay a moun la, mwen ka maché tousèl. Mwen pa touvé pon moun pou révé touba, chanté tout fòs an mwen.

Doubout douvan finèt la mwen ka gadé o lwen. Mwen pa vin travay pou touvé kanmarad. Kanmarad an mwen dwèt èt déwò la. Mwen ka chèché, mwen gadé sé moun la ki ka pasé. Mwen ka chèchéy dépi telman lontan. Mwen ja menm janbé lanmè. Mwen sav byen sé on pli gran lanmè mwen té dwèt janbé pou touvéy. Asiré pa pétèt, a pa anba lapli an ké touvèy. Lapli ka tonbé, rivyè la ka débòdé. Dlo la ka monté toupatou an lari a moun la. Tanbouyé. A pa la mwen ké touvéw. A pa an mitan a dlo fwèt a yo a mwen ké touvéw. Dlo lapli ka fè rivyè la débòdé é pon tanbouyé péké sizé la ka gadé tanbou ay ka néyé.

 

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Mwen rantré an lizin a yo é yo ban mwen on niméwo. Ou pépa rantré san niméwo la. Fè niméwo la é pozé dwèt aw an ti bwèt la pou pòt la ouvè. Fè on foto pou kart aw. Mété kart la a lantou a kou aw. Ou pépa maché la si kart la a lantou a kou aw. Fo tout moun sav ki moun ou yé. Fo yo konèt non aw. Fo yo vwè kart la. Sizé, téléfoné, palé. Ki non aw? Ki niméwo aw?

mr-numbers-final5969. Sé mwen ki 5969. Sé konsa yo ka kriyé mwen. On niméwo, mwen sé on niméwo. 8è30 chak jou, 5 jou chak simèn. Lévé a 5èdmaten pou ay réponn “Mwen sé on niméwo. Wi sé mwen ki 5969. Sé sa ki non an mwen.” 3 poz, 10 minit, 40 minit, 10 minit. 3 poz pou mwen sonjé non an mwen mé pa diy two fò. Pa lévé la vwa, pa chantéy. Sonjé non an mwen. Sonjé ki moun an yé mé pa palé. Pa lésé non la sòti, pa lésé mizik la jouwé. Mizik sé lanmou, mizik sé santiman. Pani santiman isidan, pani mizik, sé chif ki ni. 5969, sé mwen ki 5969.

É ti mizik la ka jouwé an tèt an mwen. Ti chanté la ka soné. Ti tanbou a tchè an mwen ka palé. Bèl pawòl, bèl mélodi, poézi. Sé ti chanté a 5969. On ti chanté pou pléré, pou lésé doulè a koulé. On ti chanté pour kriyé a pa non an mwen! On ti mizik pou fè kò la dansé é goumé, wi goumé ankò. Wouklé é raché mas la, dékoléy, krazéy, maché anlèy, soté anlèy. Krazé mas la. Sé pousyè tousèl ki ké rété. On jou ou ké fin bat, 5969. Jodijou ou an gòj an mwen, paré pou sòti chak fwa yo ka mandé ki moun an yé. Ou an tèt an mwen. Ou an men an mwen, chak fwa fo mwen maké ki moun an yé. Sé mwen ki 5969. Jodijou ou vivan, 5969 mé pon moun pa étèrnèl. Sé mwen ki léséw rantré, pozé mas la anlè fidji an mwen mé chak biten sé pou on tan. Tan aw kay fin. An péké léséw éfasé mwen. An péké oublyé non an mwen. A pa mwen ki 5969.

16

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You rose, sun! You rose just like you do everyday. You rose when your heart told you to do so. You slept all you needed all night long and now you decided to rise and go parade around the sky. You let the night show off with the moon and the beautiful stars. You let the night pose and send dreams to the sad ones. But now you decided that you are the ruler of this world. You are the one who shines to tell people to wake up. You are the one who shakes up each body that is still asleep in bed. The one who makes people wince. You make people remember they have to go to work, go to school, go buy, go walk, go find something to do. Leave all the dreams behind and do! Do something. The sun is shining; it is not time to dream anymore. The sun rose my friends; rise! You have to rise too. But I was already up. I was not asleep, sun. I was not dreaming. My eyes were open wide and I was waiting for you.

I stood up in the middle of the night. I walked quietly so nobody could hear me and I opened the curtains. The night was beautiful but she sent no dreams for me. I looked at the stars and  the sky whose color was changing. The night tried to fight when the sun told her to leave. She tried to resist but what can you do against the sun? The heat will first be sweet and caress you but you should not come too close. Stay there, don’t come too close. Don’t look him in the eyes. Stay too long, don’t look down and he will burn you. You will loose your eyes. The sun will always decide when he wants to rise, shine, burn. He will always tell you it is time to rise. I didn’t wait for him to stand up but his light is telling me it is now time to look at the day that is beginning and forget about me. Go and choose a name so they can call me. Put a mask on my face. Walk like them, talk like them, work like them and hush the little music inside. The path is going through their factory and the sun is telling me it is time to go.

16

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Ou lévé soley! Ou levé kon chak jou. Ou levé lè kè aw diw lévé. Ou dòmi ti dòmi aw tout lannuit é ou désidé lévé pou ay promné an syèl la. Ou lésé lannuit fè ganm èvè lalin é bèl zétwal. Ou lésey fè dyèz èvè rèv i voyé pou soulajé tchè a maléré. Mé ou désidé séw ki mèt, séw ki ka kléré pou di moun lévé. Séw ki ka voyé limyè asi lavi. Séw ki ka fè tout rèv pran lavòl kon foufou ki tann on gran dézòd. Séw ki ka fouté somey on tap pou i foutémalkan tousuit-la menm! Séw ki ka soukré tout kò ki té ka dousiné an kabann la. Séw ki ka fè moun grigné. Ou ka fè moun sonjé fo yo lévé pou ay travay, ay lékòl, ay achté, ay maché, ay chèché on okipasyon. Lésé tout rèv dèyè é aji. Soley ka kléré, i pa lè pou révé ankò! Soley lévé mé zanmi, lévé! Lévé osi! Mé mwen ja lévé. Mwen patéka dòmi, soley. Mwen patéka révé. Zyé an mwen té gran ouvè é mwen téka atann vou.

Mwen lévé an mitan lannuit. Mwen maché san fè dézòd pou pon moun pa tann mwen é mwen ouvè sé rido la. Lannuit té bèl mé i pa voyé pon rèv ban mwen. Mwen gadé zétwal fè dyèz é syèl chanjé koulè. Lannuit goumé ti goumé ay lè soley di-y pati. I éséyé rézisté mé ka ou pé fè douvan soley? Chalè ay ké karésé mé fo pa ou vini toupré. Fo pa ou avanséw twòp. Fo pa ou gadéy an zyé. Rété two lontan, pa bésé zyé é sé brilé i ké briléw, sé pèd ou ké pèd zyéw. Soley ké toujou désidé kitan i kay lévé, kléré, brilé. I ké toujou diw i ja lè pou ou lévé. Mwen pa atann li pou lévé mé limyè ay ka di mwen i ja lè pou gadé jouné la ki kay koumansé é mété lèspri mwen asi poz. Alé chwazi on non pou yo kriyé mwen. Mété on mas anlè fidji an mwen. Maché kon yo, palé kon yo, travay kon yo é pa lésé moun vwè ki moun an yé. Chimen la ka pasé an lizin a yo é soley ka di mwen i ja lè pou mwen alé.